2015-2019: human fresh
i knew from the beginning that I didn't like humans.
while sitting on a bed dumbfounded and thought "what is the point of my life?"
"why am I here?"
I wondered what is in this world and why I am here, why I still have to live?
February 8 2015 to February 28 2020
I got to know the people around me for more than six years, I entered different circles of friends I found out how they treat each other, which I have also experienced having four, three, two and many friends (✌️✌️) I learned to communicate with every person around me, to know everyone's personality I learned to change the things I like so they like me, I did that because I wanted to know something from them and not because I like them. I have discovered many people, some are kind, some are not, some are plastic and many more. In 2nd grade, I experienced bullying because of how I talk and how awkward I am plus because I'm quiet, I also learned not to go to school so I wouldn't interact with them.
I meet a lot of good people but no matter how good they are I don't know but my anger towards them is more dominant. i just hope they all die someday. I always make myself think that I don't deserve to live and that I'm a useless person for this world, that it's better to just disappear.
may 2020- December 2020: family
the pandemic came and I was happy that I was going to stop pretending but I remembered that I have a family that is not whole and I don't want to be a negative energy in our family so I did things that I didn't want especially for mom. I joined modeling because she wanted to, I joined any activity at school because she wanted to, and to make mom happy I agreed for her but I didn't want all of that. but I also got tired and told mama that I don't want to do them anymore, and little by little she noticed that I'm just a quiet person who doesn't like people. but he didn't stop me, sometimes she showed me that I should be like